


Why Do We Try So Hard?

by AtBashTheMighty



Series: I have no life [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Alexander Hamilton, College AU, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gay John Laurens, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mutual Pining, Self-Hatred, Swearing, insomniac Alexander
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-06
Updated: 2017-11-07
Packaged: 2019-01-30 04:16:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12645921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AtBashTheMighty/pseuds/AtBashTheMighty
Summary: This work has been abandoned. If you want to pick it up my tumblr is charcoal-and-pinetrees





	1. Is There a Point

**Author's Note:**

> I've got to much free time. Also Alex Minors in English, I don't make the rules.

           ' _Well, Alexander, you've hit rock bottom'_ Alex thought as he aggressively typed on his laptop " _you are in love with your best friend and roommate. you're so pathic that he's all you think about and- '_ Alexander's thought was caught when his reminder rang on his phone ' _Pick Up Meds_ '. Alex sighed and tossed his laptop, on which he was working a paper for Mr.Washington's class. But he knew that his PTSD pills were more important. The campus pharmacy was only 3 blocks away from his and John's dorm. So he just decided to walk. He pulled his Kings College sweatshirt on and he was out the door. Alexander looked up at the sky to see cimmerian clouds. He listened closely to the psithurism, he always loved the way the wind blew through the trees. It gave the street an eery look which he loved. Alex always seemed to find philocaly in creepy and dark things. But also found it in bright things too. Like John's smile and love for turtles. And his freckles were so cute he just wanted to kiss all of them. Alex often thought of himself as a creep for noticing this stuff. He entered the store and started to loom towards the back.

"Hey Maria, how are you," he asked giving an alamort smile. 

" I'm fine thank you, glad you made it out of your hole," She remarked chuckling at the last part.

"Me too, two more miracles and you're a saint". 

"Please, Alex you and I both know that it'd take more than that" She giggled.

"I'll take a shot to that"

"Are you here for your Xanax refill?" she asked.

"Sure am" he answered.

"Alright, one sec," she said heading into the back to get his meds. Alex kinda just looked around while waited, until he heard Maria ask " Have you asked out John, yet?"

"No, I haven't" sounding disappointed himself. "How are you and Eliza?"

"We're great, we actually have a date at 5," She said excitedly at the mention of her girlfriend." Did I ever thank you for hooking us up?"

"No, but your welcome," He said, " How much do I owe you?"

"10.91"

He handed her 11$ and waved goodbye as he walked out of the store.  Alex up again at the sky only to see that the clouds had turned to a dark morbid shade of grey. Then the sky opened up and it started to downpour. Alex knew that wasn't going to walk in the rain. He sighed and pulled out his phone and tapped the first contact, which in turn was John's.

 

' _Hello ...."_

_' hey, John?'_

_' Yeah?'_

_' could you pick me up? I'm at the pharmacy getting meds and it started to downpour.'_

_'yeah sure, I'll be there in 6 minutes.'_

And hung up the phone. It's at that moment Alex knew he was fucked.

* * * * * *

John quickly sat up on his bed and changed from his white tank top into long sleeves. He wore long sleeves in fear of anyone seeing his slit wrists. He wished it didn't feel good but that would just be put in the pile of lies he's said, like "I'm fine". Before he realized it he was staring at the fake flower bouquet on his desk, on which were for Alexander. Ever since he'd met him, he's become aeipathic towards him. His eunoia entranced John, the way he was so solivagant in his way that it was graceful. John had fallen hard for the insomniac it made his heart hurt. _'Maybe I should ask him out?'_. He quickly dismisses the thought say to himself "It's not like he likes me like that". John hated that he thought like this but he thinks it's the truth.

* * * * 

John pulled up in the parking lot with his VW- bug. Alex quickly ran to the passenger seat. Right as Alex reached for the door, he locked it. He flashed a shit-eating grin at Alex. This made him very annoyed. Alex had zero tolerance for this shit so his face went to deadpan but that quickly fails when John starts too straight out giggle. But he gives in and unlocks the door.

 

"Why thank you for getting my hair wet" Sounding fake annoyed.

"you're welcome" John replied with sarcasm. " I'm gonna drop you off I got to go get groceries. Anything you want?"

 _'You'_  "Just some coffee beans"

For rest of his time in the car with Alexander, John couldn't stop thinking about his basorexia towards Alex. Luckily their dorm was just a turn away or he would've died.  

"Thanks for the ride, dude," Alex said. His frowzy coming out of his ponytail.

"I'll be back in an hour, don't burn this shit show down"

"Awww but mom . . ." Alexander chuckled. He quickly got out of the car and waved John goodbye as he drove off.

 

 

_'This pining is going to be the death of me if school  doesn't kill me first'_


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex actually slept

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's not as long as I hoped. sorry :/

John stared at his ceiling fan in his room. He'd been trying to sleep for the last 4 hours. His alarm clock flashed '3:02', he'd have to go to class in 5 hours but honestly didn't feel like it today. ' _This must be what Alexander feels like'_ John thought, _' Les I try to sleep than writing my life away'_. He sat up on his bed and grabbed his laptop, searched _'how do you cure insomnia?_ '. He went through a plethora of cites and the most common were lavender beside sleeping pills. But he didn't that so he did the next best thing, he got up from his place on the bed and stalked over to the kitchen to drink some NightQuil. He didn't even bother being quiet _'it's not like Alex was sleeping'_. 

 

But when he got to the kitchen, he saw the rarest site of _Alexander Hamilton_ actually sleeping with his head on the table. John just smiled wildly and tried not to fucking die from how fucking cute he looked with his long hair down and a slight puddle of drool starting to form. he brought it in himself to carry the shorter man to his bed.  He gently laid him down on the mattress, he was almost out of his room when Alex started to shake for a dream turned to nightmare. John being the good person he was, he rushes to the bedside and started to stroke his soft hair. The shorter man visibly relaxed. so he started to sing quietly:

_'I thought of angels_   
_Choking on their halos_   
_Get them drunk on rose water_   
_See how dirty I can get them_   
_Pulling out their fragile teeth_   
_And clip their tiny wings_   
  
_Anything you say can and will be held against you_   
_So only say my name_   
_It will be held against you_   
_Anything you say can and will be held against you_   
_So only say my name_   
  
_If heaven's grief brings hell's rain_   
_Then I'd trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday_

_Just one yesterday... .'_

Alex had clearly gone back to a peaceful sleep when he started to snore slightly. John kissed Alex's forehead and whisper into his ear " goodnight, my love".  John was half out the bedroom door when he let out a sigh, he'd give anything to sleep next to Alexander. But alas he was stuck pining for something that he thought would never happen.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Alex woke up the next morning on his bed, even though he swore that he fell asleep on the table.He got up and stretched. Loomed towards the kitchen to get his daily inhale of 5 cups of coffee. The microwave showed '5:46. He thought ' might as get Washington's fucking paper done'. It wasn't even due till next week but he thought 'fuck it'. He started to aggressively type, his logolepsy showing even more than normal.

 

"How do you write like your running out of time," John said standing in the doorway yawning afterward. Alex jumped out of almost jumped out of his skin due to being the only living soul around for an hour, just hearing the keyboard. He relaxed quickly relaxed though. 

"Have you taken your pills?" he asked with a tinge of concern as he tried to get a coffee mug. 

"No, not yet," Alex said keeping his eyes on the laptop as he drank his 3rd cup of coffee. A moment later John gave him his orange pill bottle and a glass of water. "Thanks" flashing him an alamort grin. The shorter man noticed that he had bags under his eyes. " how'd you sleep?" he asked trying not too concerned. 

"umm.. okay I guess dysania is a bitch though" he replied nodding his head. "eggs?" he asked taking out a pan. 

"Yes, please," Alex said. 

"Alex I'm not going to be here till late, okay?" John said after a few minutes of comfortable silence. john put the scrambled on a plate and put in front of him

"What time were you thinkin', " He asked snarfing his eggs.

"12 am"

"Oh," Alex said but his mind was going wild. _' don't fucking ask him where he's going! you fucking creep'!._ so he didn't.

"FUCK! I GOTTA GO!" john yell as he gathered up his thing then left for class. And Alex was left there wondering where his wonderwall was up to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, John can sing.
> 
> Song: Just One Yesterday by Fall out boy

**Author's Note:**

> I'll finish it tomorrow


End file.
